Dear weird people,

You know who you are. You have strange, thin, kind of fly-away hair. You possess big carpet print shoulder bags filled with mysterious things which are very, very important to you. You walk very quickly wherever you go, and most of the time you're alone.

I don't like you, you make me angry. You make me look at you, and you make me expend my personal energy hating you, when I could be doing something fun, like looking in the mirror, or sleeping.

You women like corduroy, and anything fun and drapey on top. You men like pale green, and pants too short.

Thank you

When the tired go running

Everyone dog has their day.

It's sometimes feast or famine with me. I think about doing a lot of things, but sometimes I don't do any of them. When I was religious (the dark days) I was told by the church leaders that God knew the intentions of my heart.

That "wanting to do good" but...not really doing it, was the way God measured me.

I once saw my mother praying. She was in a very bad place in her life, and I remember this left a very deep mark on my memory. She was desperately trying to reach God. She was caling him over and over again.

My mother was stalking the almighty. (Please note that I use the capitol G when referring to God, not out of respect, but out of my desire to be clear for you folks.)

She still prays like that, I'm afraid.

I'M DRUNK!!!!! AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT

Don't get me wrong

I love the females, you know?

But they're a little bit nuts.

Recently I had an opportunity to "be with someone." I love the stupid names we use to refer to the sexual act.
Here's some of my favorites.

1. Being intimate. "She and I were intimate last night."
2. Hooking-up "We totally hooked up, dude. I came on her tits."
3. Be with, or being with. see also "we were together."
4. Making Love. "We were making love, and his girlfriend walked in." (This one makes me gag because even in the throws of monkey sex, my ex-girlfriend called it "making love.") GOD!

If you hate me, I hate you more.

Everything is relaxed

It's a very curious phenomenon...

Once normal, healthy, law-abiding people pass into the state of Nevada, something terrible happens.

They think that ALL laws have been relaxed. I know people say that Vegas is an adult playground, but it's not Lawless, Nevada. People here run red lights, drive on the shoulder of the freeway during rush hour, and basically behave badly. They do a very loud yell in the mall, or walk around with open liquor containers.

That must be the thrill of their lives. God it's sad

On a separate note, I gambled alone 2 nights ago for about 3 hours drinking and smoking and loving every minute of it. I pretended I was a banished prince living out my days in splendor.

WOW.

H U G E

So, we're all in this competition to be the skinniest and the richest, and have the biggest SUV and the biggest house and eat all the food we possibly can.

Think back at our Mothers for a moment. My own Mother would have killed herself before she looked like some of these fat slobs I see today. "Back then," a very overweight woman had severe metal problems, she was "unfortunate."

Now, it's the norm. Women in their mid-twenties huge as can be, sucking up ice-blended caramel drinks with whipped cream.

Don't give me that crap about voluptuous. This is hideous.

Candy and Mints

Are you doing it because you think it's a good idea? or are you doing it because God is saving a little bag of treats for you after you die?

Doing what's right isn't easy, and it doesn't always feel good.

Church leaders have lied for centuries and told the faithful that God was going to bless their good works after this life. Mansions, happiness, the opportunity to see loved ones again... all this was done to gain money and power.

There isn't anyone handing out gold stars when you die, and you aren't going to earn a Buzz-Lightyear bag filled with plastic tops, bouncy balls, sheriff's badges, and plastic spider rings.

Ask yourself this. If the sacrifice of your money is what earns you a place in God's clubhouse, why isn't the Bishop/Pastor/Priest giving YOU THEIR money??

Huh.

Not all the time

Even if God was real, he wouldn't love half the shit-heads on this earth.

Not Everyone

I'm pretty sick of those bumper stickers that say "God Loves You," or "Jesus loves You."

It must make you feel better to believe that 2 imaginary things love you, but that doesn't do anything for me. Stop projecting your God onto me.

Keep me out of it.

Get a bumper sticker which reads "God Loves Me." That's accurate for you. Put whatever shit you want on your car, just stop trying to convince me.